VIRGINIA BEACH (The Borowitz Report) – Evangelist Pat Robertson sparked controversy in today’s broadcast of his 700 Club program by saying that yesterday’s mild East Coast earthquake was God’s revenge on people “who act kind of gay.”
“All across the Eastern seaboard, there are men who get manicures, wear designer eyewear and know about thread counts,” Rev. Robertson. “God finds this somewhat gay-like behavior confusing, and He responded by getting mildly peeved.”
The televangelist warned that if Americans persist in their “seemingly sort-of-gay behavior,” the country should brace itself for additional ambiguous acts of retaliation from the Almighty.
Let us start by giving him the benefit of the doubt and acknowledging that the earthquake was some form of punishment handed down by his imaginary friend in the clouds. One has to ask the question: why was it centered in Eric Cantor's district? One could argue that it is punishment for Cantor's, and his supporters', complete and utter intransigence on the negotiations over raising the debt ceiling? The great thing about arguing over magic, basically any argument is just as valid as the next.
Or maybe we could just accept that earthquakes happen and to date we have absolutely zero evidence to suggest there is a motive behind them. Although if we do find out some individual is causing these, I would hope that person would be brought to justice for the damages and injuries.